Dear Hollywood, a letter on remakes

Dear Hollywood, After reading that there is a possible Indiana Jones reboot coming I have only one thing to say to, please, please take your heads from out of your asses and stop destroying our much-loved movies, old and new. While I can appreciate the need for the machine to feed and grow (movies are a business), the constant and I mean constant remake of classic movies is growing tiresome. Over the last 20 years in particular you have gone out your way to prey on the feeling of nostalgia and childhood glee we have for such movies as Ghostbusters, Goonies and there like. In 2002, we had a Spiderman reboot, and then in 2012 we had the Amazing Spiderman and now its being considered to reboot it once more. Ask yourself one question, if you take the last 10 remakes have any of them lived up to the hype, yes, some of them made you the precious money you want, but the quality and childhood love that we held for these such movies has been harpooned. Close your eyes and remember the movie Free Willy. Now picture when Willy jumped that rocky barrier to gain his freedom. Ok, got that? Next picture yourself standing behind Jesse with a 10 foot whaling gun. Yep, that’s you to most remakes. What I feel many have forgotten is some movies are perfect for the time they were made. Some were one off’s, taking themes and cues from the social and culture revolutions going on at the time or wonderfully cheesy advances in technology. Think on these remakes and tell me do they stand up against their originals,

  • TMNT (2014)
  • Hercules (2014)
  • Godzilla (2014)
  • Robot Cop (2013)
  • Lone Ranger (2013)
  • Total Recall (2012)
  • Conan the Barbarian (2011)
  • The Karate Kid (2010)
  • Arthur (2010)
  • Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)
  • Evil Dead (2010),
  • The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)
  • Poseidon (2006)
  • King Kong (2005)
  • Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)
  • Planet of the Apes (2001)
  • Get Carter (2000)

These are just a few I thought of from the top of my head, but do I really need to go on. Having a look at what to come this year and next I truly despair for the future of movies if the same no vision exec’s and producers stay in control. This year alone we have,

  • Mad Max
  • Point Break
  • The Crow
  • Poltergeist

to name a few, and now there is talk of remakes coming for, The Never-ending Story

  • Barbarella
  • Time Bandits
  • Wargames
  • Highlander
  • Little Shop of Horrors
  • Gremlins

Sigh. Do yourself and us a massive favor and just take a breath of creative fresh air and pick up a book, maybe have your assistant read it to you. With the amount of talented writers published and unpublished, recycling tired, but tested movies in attempts to make even more money is just becoming unbearable. I really understand that it’s less of a risk keeping with this old model and not rolling the dice on something original when you can take the easy road, but you wound not have these original moves available to reuse if your predecessors had not taken a punt. That’s it rant over. I think I’ll go and watch Gremlins now before its memory is destroyed.


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