Flash Fan Fiction (Screwtape Letters) – Celestial termination letter, the response.

Some months ago as part of a writing challenge I wrote an amusing (I hoped) letter about an Angel being terminated from Heaven and sent to Hell, which you can read here.  It was commented on that the letter had a very Screwtape Letters by C. S. Lewis feel too it.  It was not until recently that I picked up the aforementioned material, releasing after a few pages that I had previously read these but had forgotten that I had.  Without my knowledge I must had be channeling Lewis in my story.  Coming to this realisation I want to add to the theme with a imagined response fromt he fired Angel.

Celestial termination letter, the response.

Dear Angelic Host of the Pontificating Pen,

Thank you for your kind words, my vertical declination was very enjoyable these last three months.  It is due in no small part to your gracious declarations I feel I need to unburden and confess some small sins, informing Management and yourself that while it comes as no surprise the manner of my termination, it may come as a surprise to your magniloquent Angelic personage that I have actually been in the employment of the Adversary for many a millennia.   With a now blackened heart, I must disclose after countless years of being bypassed for promotion by inferiors and toadies, I found heavenly espionage to be so much more satisfying than clerking and office administration for the Enemy Above, the Him that is He.

While my time at Nirvana Ltd had provided me with many a conspiratorial snicker, I do hope we can move past my little indiscretions and see the bigger picture and issues.  In this regard, I would like to draw to your attention to the coffee options available in the Tea Room, which are just hellish.  While I feel no bond with my Angelic brethren, it would remiss of me not to advocate for my former comrades.  Plainly speaking, I would not wish such a vile, contemptuous and degenerate sludge on the worst of the Souls within my Infernal grasp.  It is safe to say I would rather drink water through the corrupted Soul of a mutant skunk with spiritual dysentery.  This egregious disregard of basic caffeine needs of the wakeful host was a major factor to my defection and indiscretions.  Thankfully, we have a wonderful barista called Topher, not much of a talker but does scream wonderfully and is just a angel with a steam wand.  I could get you a barista recommendation if you wish, it may help stop future incidents such as ours.

In your termination letter you punctuated the return of my wings with great effect, so as directed they have been delivered to aileron fawners, toiling away eternally in the hopes of getting their own set one day.  Gratifyingly, much like earthly rental cars that have been driven until annihilation, I deposited them onto you in a state of feathery rapture.  Each plume a cacophony of split ends, the wing mounting suffering for countless fissures, cracked and twisted after a fender bender with St Peters Gate, yes, that was me, thank you for your concern I am completely uninjured.  Upon my arrival in my balmier environs I was provided a new set of coriaceous appendages and as  such my old celestial ones may have been unduly neglected.  I hang my head with shame and wish you all the best in removing the the smell of Brimstone and tortured desperation from countless Souls.

Your affectionate Enemy,

Fink Simpersnake (Formerly Angel Clerk No. 543261765987, a.k.a Bob)

P.S. Mr Screwtape, my new supervisor sends his regards and wishes to know if you received the basket of devil’s food cake mini-muffins delivered after my departure.  He days it was the least he could do after your gracious letter of recommendation.


3 thoughts on “Flash Fan Fiction (Screwtape Letters) – Celestial termination letter, the response.

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